Trip to Central Oregon Coast

Today was exciting!

Today, I drove along the central Oregon coast, along the beautiful and scenic US 101. It seems to wind along the entirety of the Oregon coast.

I left the Salishan Resort, where I am staying, on my way to see Thor’s Well, which was about an hour from my starting point.

oregon coast

Much of the trip was along the steep and rocky coast lines, with the rocks on one side and the gorgeous, expansive ocean on the other.

My first stop was at Moolack Beach. It’s a funny name, but a beautiful place. Here are a few photos!

 

SIGNAGE LEADING TO THE BEACH

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There are lots of warnings about the tsunamis!

PHOTOS FROM THE VIEWING AREA NEAR THE ROAD

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In the photo below, you can see the Yaquina Bay Lighthouse far on the left.20180703_11290820180703_112913

I walked down the dangerous slope and onto the beach. The photos were worth the danger of falling flat on my face!20180703_11423320180703_114236

I don’t know what this plant life is, but it looked like green hair. Very beautiful and mysterious!20180703_11424420180703_11425020180703_11425620180703_114314

I don’t know what this was. It looked like a jelly substance. It wasn’t cold enough to be ice. I did NOT touch it, whatever it was.

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I don’t know what it’s called when there’s beach, then a watery area, and then more beach, and then finally the ocean. Is this a tide pool? No idea. Anyway, it’s gorgeous.20180703_114521

I didn’t mean to look off into the distance, so this photo is a happy accident. Why do I always wear the same hat in all my vacation photos? Because I only own one hat.20180703_115021

View from the beach up to the lucky folks who own this beachfront property.20180703_115804

Driftwood and giant “pebbles” along the beach. They were smooth and many of them were HUGE.20180703_12035120180703_12035520180703_12035820180703_120402

Close up photo of the large, smooth beach rocks. I wanted to take one home, but my suitcase weighed 43.7 pounds on the way here. I didn’t want to try my luck.

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I might have nightmares about whatever this thing / these were. I did not touch whatever this is, but it was intriguing. It appears that something formerly living washed ashore, with eggs attached. Those orb looking things were translucent and looked like egg sacks to me. So, I did not touch. 20180703_12071820180703_12072220180703_120732

Next, I drove down the road to Cape Perpetua area, which is where Thor’s Well is located. I am not sure I saw THE Thor’s Well, but I saw beautiful and dangerous looking ocean formations around the area.

The walk down this trail was MUCH less treacherous and scary. It was paved almost all the way down.

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This area is near Thor’s Well, but based on the Google images, this is not actually Thor’s Well. I think Thor’s Well was just down the way a bit.

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I blended in with my The North Face jacket. The color, however, made me stand out. The color of my face probably also made me stand out.

This is me at Cape Perpetua.

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Me trying to not look hella afraid of the crashing waves behind me.20180703_134109

A lady came up to me and said “I LOVE YOUR FASHION! YOU ARE DRESSED PERFECTLY!” Then, she instructed me to look like I was climbing on this thing. So, I did, and I have the only non-selfie photo featuring me. This was some kind of petrified thing, perhaps? I don’t know…it was a hard thing that was on the beach that didn’t appear to be a rock.20180703_13434720180703_134429

This is the area that I thought was Thor’s Well, but I was incorrect. There was no cellular service, so I could not Google the images and see if I was right or wrong. I think this is called the Devil’s Chasm (or the other area opposite this one is perhaps the Devil’s Chasm). So, perhaps I saw something belonging to the Devil instead of Thor. Very impressive, no matter what this is called.

It truly is a devilish chasm. You can’t see the bottom or pretty much anything other than the angry waves smashing around. And look at the GORGEOUS color of the algae, or whatever that is growing on the rocks. Gosh, that green is one of the most beautiful.20180703_13512920180703_135145

This is a view from near the Devil’s Chasm, looking up onto a bridge along US 101.20180703_135140

Admiring the gorgeous green colors and the volcanic rocks.20180703_13522120180703_135210

I had a wonderful day. These photos truly do not do the central Oregon coast justice. There are so, so many natural formations and other things to see here. I’ll be back!

 

 

 

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Not So Great New Year Reflections

grumpy cat nye meme

Ah, the holidays and the New Year. The time of year when everyone and their momma gets all reflective and pretends to be compassionate towards other people.

Aside from pretending to be compassionate (because pretending is not my thing, and perhaps, neither is compassion, and I am certainly not interested in pretending to be compassionate), I, too, suffer from those end of year feelings that the rest of you suffer from. At the end of the year, don’t we all want to take a moment or two to reflect on what a crappy job we did the previous 364 days? We need to take out some time to really put aside our regular-sized mental bat and pick up one of those aluminum bats with which to beat the crap out of ourselves, psychologically, of course. Because a regular bat, one made of wood, would break far too soon. An aluminum one will give us the psychotic joy of punishing ourselves until we have blacked out from misery, bleeding from the joy of knowing that we have given ourselves the maximum punishment that we deserve.

And there’s that word again, that word I wrestle with so much: deserve. But that’s another blog post. And now I have to remember why I am here and why I want you to read this. Ah! New Year thinking.

Well, this year, I have decided to put down my own aluminum bat. I have decided to save my sanity (and my hairdo) and not bash myself in the head with the bat of guilt, dismay, and disillusion. This new year, I have decided to do something far more difficult than self-psychological mutilation. This year, I am going to write down some reflections and share it with the people on the Internets (that’s you).

Today I listened to two Buddhism themed podcasts. If you have read this far, and am now questioning my religion or felt a pang of superiority deep in your (insert your religion here) gut, then please, close this tab now.

Still here? Awesome sauce. Thanks for having an open mind.

At the end of one of the podcasts, the speaker suggested that at the end of each day, we write down a short list of reflections.

  • Part One: make a list of things that you did well / good
  • Part Two: make list of things that you did that weren’t so great

 

Notice the soft and sugary coated phrasing of the ‘weren’t so great’ part. This is intentional, because like I mentioned before, the idea is to put down the aluminum baseball bat that you were going to use to punish yourself for being a bad person.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am kind of blunt. I am not a people person. I dislike and find little value in most people, including myself, most of the time. A good friend of mine calls me a misanthrope. I either love you, am on your side, am there in the weeds with you, or, I am meh.  I love the flawed, ridiculous bastards of the universe, who are imperfect but honest. If you are honest, I will love you forever.

But, my softly thorny personality means that I generally dislike anything sugar coated, unless, it is, well, a cookie, or something that would be delicious coated in actual sugar.

However, I stand beside this sugary coated version of the opposite of “things you did well” because maybe life isn’t so black and white; sour or sweet; right or wrong. I’d like life to be that way, but, with age, I have learned to dance in the gray and enjoy it.

I have decided to share my daily reflections with the Internet peoples because I think it might help someone. As I get better at analyzing and recognizing my behaviors, I plan to add some explanations, like why I think this thing was good or ‘not so great’. But for now, feel free to judge me as you wish, using your own definitions of ‘went well’ and ‘not so great.’

 

Here goes: (oh, and feel free to comment below and share some stuff you did today. Don’t leave me out here alone, you bum! We are in this together or something)

 

12/28/2015 Reflections

 

List of  Good Things I Did

  • Listened to my co-workers speak about their holidays, personal concerns, and other various random things even though I had a lot of work to do this morning
  • Refrained from blowing my horn at slow driving people (about 25 times over the course of 90 minutes of daily commuting)
  • Thought about what I ate (how it would affect my energy levels and body and bank account)
  • Went to work
  • Did not say or do anything harmful to another person
  • Cared for my furry companions
  • Completed 3 short spurts of physical exercise throughout the day
  • Shared a funny story with a friend who I think might need to read funny stuff sometimes
  • Was open minded when a friend suggested that I see a religious teacher (I have little understanding of the religion and no knowledge of the teacher)

 

List of Things that were Not So Great

  • Drank a Coca-Cola with dinner
  • Projected my feelings of self-doubt and insecurities about my level of likableness onto an interaction I had with a friend (thankfully, they do not know that I did this)
  • Questioned the existence of a purpose / plan outside the disorganized one that I have for my own life
  • Felt many, many instances of impatience throughout the day (in traffic, in my dealings with other people, with myself)
  • Ate food that I am not sure where it came from or if the animal I ate was treated kindly before slaughter
  • Felt desire for material objects that I do not need
  • Felt desire for acceptance from other people
  • Allowed feeling desire to make me feel guilty
  • Several instances of feeling guilty and questioning whether or not I am a good person
  • Attempted to mentally define the phrase “good person” while sitting in the parking lot of Taco Cabana, eating the chicken that I am unsure of its origins
  • Laughed, cringed, and judged myself for typing the sentence above

Thoughts on Politics, Social Media, and Mistakes

Subtitle: That One Time I Posted Something Political on Facebook

A thorough review of my personal Facebook page will reveal that I almost never post anything remotely referencing God or politics. I reserve my small space in the Facebook universe for selfies, photographs of my cats or latest culinary creations, humorous rants about people I encounter, and light-hearted self-deprecation.

Tonight, however, I made the mistake of responding to a political post.

What was I thinking?

BEAKER

Or, should I ask myself, what was I NOT thinking? Did I have a momentary lapse in judgment, or am I just still in a sugar rush after “taste testing” the carrot cupcakes that I made to take to work tomorrow?

Whatever the reason, approximately one hour ago, I responded to a post which blamed the current leader of our country for providing “free stuff” to the metaphorical “you” or “they.”

My tongue-in-cheek, but also perhaps slightly offensive, response read as such:

I just saw a post claiming that Obama is giving away free stuff. Someone please send me the contact information and more details about the stuff, so that I, too, can partake. Canned goods? Christmas sweaters? Bubbles? What’s the stuff that “everyone” is getting from “Obama”? Oh, maybe people already have “the stupid” and they’re just passing that around for free and trying to get more takers by using our President’s name. Sigh, that’s just wrong.

I did not tag the person’s post to which I was responding. I simply posted the response you see above, which was quickly followed by the person tagging me in the post, asking if the post prompted my status update.

escalated quickly

During a polite private message exchange, the following happened:

  • I asked him to remove the tag.
  • He asked me if I agreed with part of the post.
  • I acknowledged his points and provided support for mine.
  • He acknowledged my points and provided support for his own.
  • I thanked him for sharing other useful information.
  • He complimented my cupcakes and called my gesture thoughtful.

Why can’t all people behave so nicely to each other?

After the exchange, I felt small pangs of guilt, because I did not mean for my status update to offend the young man in question. From every vague memory I have of him from previously attending an educational institution together, he was very polite, soft-spoken, easy-going, and for lack of a more descriptive term, given my limited brain power at almost 1:00 am when I am writing this, he was a nice guy.

Despite our downright pleasant message exchange, especially given the topics and possibly personally offensiveness of my status update, I think that there are several excellent messages to be learned here, and an opportunity for me to share a tiny bit of myself with the world.

FIRST

I stand by my previously successful practice of not discussing my personal views of politics or religion with other people. I do not condone those who do; I think the world needs people like me and the world needs people who are passionate about politics and religion.  I, personally, do not typically discuss these topics with other people, even those whom I might presume may have the same views as me, for several reasons.

Here ya, go, my :

Philosophy-Alien-Meme

  1. Religion and politics are incredibly polarizing topics. I know rational, jolly people who turn into irrational, hate-spewing bulls when discussing their religious and political views. Perhaps these people are NOT really rational or jolly in the first place, but I prefer to preserve my rosy outlook on other people, rather than give them an open invitation to roll in their own mud in my presence.
  2. I think there are many, many other things to talk about. In fact, I KNOW that there are many, many other things to talk about. Talking to people about their other, less incendiary interests, is much more fascinating to me.

yo dawg

3. Religious and political talks usually involve trying to “convert” the other person to your personal belief system. I find this practice insane, boring, and disrespectful of differences. As far as religion is concerned, the most inspiring people of any religion are the ones who simply exemplify their beliefs, not talk about them.

SECOND

And here’s the kicker, a few of my personal thoughts about American politics which may lead to my name being added to some kind of watch list. Keep calm, NSA. I am the most boring person ever and wouldn’t hurt a flea…unless it jumped on one of my cats.

In my humble opinion, which I fully understand amounts to an iota of diddly squat in the big picture, American politics are in a very, very sad state.

I cannot argue for or against either of the major parties, because in my opinion, they are simply two sides of the same coin. American culture has become saturated with materialism and fluff. Our culture rewards or glamorizes poor behavior. Our media is actively feeding us so much nonsense that finding even remotely objective news reports seem to be a fool’s errand. I have tried and been unsuccessful on many attempts.

I stand for and believe in the following things:

  • Honesty
  • Hard-work
  • Humility
  • Kindness
  • Respect (for others, regardless of political affiliation, economic status, religion, etc…choose any “divider of people” you want to put here)

Some media outlets would tell us to read that list and assign those values to a Conservative person. Others would tell us that only Liberals believe in and live those values. If you stop to think, on your own, with your rational mind, and consider all the people that you know, of all the various backgrounds you have encountered, how many of them fit into believing in the items on the list above?

Right, probably all of them, or at least most of them. (If not, you should consider getting new friends. Contact me; I’m available for new friendships.)

But our media and political system would have us believe that only the people LIKE YOU can be honest. Only the people LIKE YOU can be hard-working folks.

Consider how completely absurd the above sentence is.

Then, consider how often you have read generalizing, racist, terrible things on the Internet about people who are NOT like you. Consider how your perceptions of others change when you find out they worship differently from you (or not at all) or they pushed another button at the voting box than the one you chose.

Don’t let social media posts make you seem like a generalizer, whether it be generalizations of poor, other races, other political parties, or other humans. Don’t respond to social media posts with an air of superiority. But, if you do either of these things, have the decency, like me and my unnamed Facebook friend, to acknowledge each other’s differences of opinions in a respectful way.

And for the love of all things sacred, including kittens and cupcakes, do NOT talk to me about your religion or politics.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t care. I just don’t. Tell me about your hopes. Tell me about your fears. Tell me your dreams. Tell me your grandmother’s secret red velvet cake recipe. Tell me your memories of growing up in church. Tell me about how you FELT the first time you voted. Tell me about your volunteer activities at the church or how you helped a kid study for a test. Tell me something that describes you, something that defines you, that is not related to your religion or your politics. Dare I say it, you’re much more than the political and religious labels you assign yourself. And so is everyone else.

Just-Because-I-Dont-Care-Doesnt-Means-That-I-Dont-Understand_o_105992

But keep the rest to yourself. I will make sure to do the same. And ask any of my friends, even though I don’t want to hear about their religion or politics, I am still one of the best friends any human can ask for.

And I’m sure you are, too.

Meme Resources List

Holiday Cheer Part III

holiday-break-farewell-funny-ecard-ZEJ

The Final Saga

My last unfortunate act of work-related holiday cheer included hand-made cards and even more painstakingly hand-made candles. It had been months since I made either, but I was foolishly determined to resurrect my inner Martha Stewart, and make those ungrateful oafs I call coworkers some sweet, thoughtful, and cheap gifts, lovingly delivered by yours truly.

Last Wednesday night, I began by making the candles. I was trying so hard to be cheerful that I actually used the expensive, nice ribbon, the kind you can only buy at Michael’s. The kind that is so expensive I only buy it when I have a half-off coupon. THAT is the only ribbon that I deemed worthy of my last act of holiday cheer.

I choose only the very, very best and cleanest recycled cat food cans. Only the cans with the fewest dents. A few of the cans I chose even had NO dents. I somehow remembered how to use the glue gun, fumbling about, obtaining light, first degree burns to my fingertips, to apply the ribbon to the cat food cans. I reminded myself about how very clever I am, to have spent the last week saving the cat food cans just for this purpose.

“I am such a great up-cycler!” I cheerfully reminded myself.

I chose three essential oil scents for the candles. Since it’s been a while since I’ve made the candles, I accidentally melted only enough wax for two candles the first two batches. I began pouring the left over, scented wax into one cat food can, I decided to give my mistake candle, oh, I mean my “tri-scented” candle, to my least favorite coworker. I already had the person in mind.

After making the candles into three scents, I left them to cool and began to make the cards. I quickly made three cards, using Pinterest boards for inspiration. I then made my favorite coworker’s card, an ambitious painted one, which looked like the hand of the Grinch.

The next morning, I was delighted to find that the cats had not knocked over any of the candles or pissed on any of the cards. I figured that they might, since cats are known for their general disdain for things which exist, but it was a special holiday miracle to find everything intact. I put the candles into cellophane bags, tied the bags with Wal-Mart ribbon (having used all of the Michael’s ribbon the previous night), packed them into paper bags and sprinkled in a dusting of almond Hershey Kisses.

I arrived at work 40 minutes late, but eager to give my gifts. I went to each person’s desk, like a fat, Black ass elf, and put their gifts on their desks.

I was so, so very happy….UNTIL.

“Can I trade with SOMEBODY?” my large, jackass coworker loudly requested.

HORROR.

DISMAY.

DISBELIEF.

And then finally, MEGATRON ANGER.

It’s like he blew out Rudolph’s red nose. It’s like he put poop in Santa’s boots. It’s like he wanted to trade the gift I spent three hours making his ungrateful ass!

I spun around, and, attempting to stuff the jingle-bell demon quickly emerging from my soul, looked at him.

“WHAT did you say?” I inquired. I must have shot him with laser eyes.

“YOU SEE,” he continued in his loud voice, “I am a dude. And candles are NOT for dudes.”

My team leader, a somewhat meek and entirely delightful young woman, seemed to want to melt into her mouse pad.

“No,” I laughed, the way that crazy people who own lots of cats and who make homemade candles laugh, “You are NOT a dude. Do you know what you are? It’s a word that rhymes with dude. Do you want to guess? You are RUDE. ARRUH, YOU, DEE, EEE. RUHHHDDDDUUUUUUUH!!!” I shouted (and spelled).

“I spent time making that candle and card for you and you hop yo happy ass up and ask for a trade? A TRADE? THIS AINT NO CHRISTMAS FLEA MARKET!” I shouted.

More than slightly taken aback, he mumbled:

“You, you, you MADE this candle?”

“YEEESSS!!!! Not that it matters! Even if I had given you a turd, you should still say thank you.”

He looked at me like he was unfamiliar with the word “turd”, which I found infuriating and ironic, since it is exactly what he is.

“I, I am so sorry! This means a lot to me! See, I am an artist and…”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm.” Insert cornea breaking eyeroll and amplified Black girl sarcasm.

“I….I am an artist and this is impressive.”

“Humph,” I replied.

As our team began to walk downstairs, he continued:

“I am really sorry; I am not the ungrateful ass that you just called me.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, “I am usually not wrong about these things.”

He patted me on my back in an attempt to connect and apologize. But that one second back pat did nothing to console me and my dislike for that ungrateful ass.

MORAL OF THE STORY

At this point in my previous blog posts, I usually end with some nice, enlightening, and humorous moral or lesson from my experience.

However, this time, I have made an office holiday cheer checklist for both you and I to use next year.

  1. The chances are excellent that your co-workers suck. Waste your time doing things for your friends and family. They are more likely to at least pretend to appreciate your cheap, crap, upcycled, homemade gifts. Wait, my candles aren’t crap.
  2. Remember that your coworkers probably suck.
  3. Some of your coworkers might be dudes. If any of them acts rudely towards you, remind them that owning and even sometimes using their penises does not exclude them from holiday niceties and common decency and appreciation for homemade candles.
  4. NEVER let your ass coworkers forget their mean mistakes. I plan to mention the Candle Debacle of Christmas 2014 until I find coworkers worthy of not being reminded of how terrible they are.

Remember the lessons that were shared here today. And Merry Christmas to you and your family and your friends and your coworkers. Ho ho ho and what not.

Office Holiday Cheer, Part II

WARNING: Innuendos and colorful language.

I am writing to claim victory over the sour-pussiness of my co-workers. Today, day three of my five days of holiday cheer program, turned out to be a complete success. See this blog post for an honest retelling of the first day.

Today’s festivities included a White Elephant gift exchange and a game of Holiday Sausages. More on that later.

To my absolute delight, everyone participated in the White Elephant gift exchange game. Every. Single. Person. I was both surprised and happy, since only six people responded to my survey saying they would participate. I reasoned, “If these schmucks could not be bothered to spend 7.5 seconds to click ‘yes’ on a survey, can I really expect them to procure a gift and carry it up the stairs?”

I thought the answer was no, but boy did they prove me wrong!

Not only did all of my meat bag coworkers bring gifts, each of them brought excellent gifts! To be honest, my own gift, was one of the least desirable. I half-assedly stopped by the CVS this morning and picked up a $10 gift card to Sonic. “Meh,” I thought and felt, feeling only obligated to buy anything because this whole stupid thing was my stupid idea anyway.

After only one person participated in the Ugly Sweater contest and only two people participated in the Cubicle Decoration contest, I have to admit that my motivation, holiday cheer, interest, and fondness for the whole thing was at an all-time low. I felt sad. I felt disappointed. I felt disliked. I felt like my efforts were pointless.

But again, I was wrong.

I walked in today, to a cheerful, younger coworker, skipping over to my desk, asking me for wrapping paper!

Another came in carrying not one, but two, gifts! She also brought home-made cake!

Each of them paraded past my desk, saying “LOOK! I brought my gift!” Each of them seemed eager and happy to participate. I dare not tell any of them, but, and this is a secret just between you and me, they made me a tiny, tiny, tiny bit gleeful.

When 1:00 pm rolled around, everyone came to the conference room, gifts in hands, actually smiling. I took photos of jolly people, eager to pose and hug each other for the camera.

We played a rowdy game of White Elephant and then an even rowdier game of “Holiday Sausages”, a game where each team wins points by asking humorous questions to which the answer must be “holiday sausages.” My questions were, “What’s in your nightstand?” and “What did your mom cook for dinner last night?” The game is raunchy because the phrase “holiday sausages” is really a euphemism for PENIS or PENISES. It was a good and mostly clean time.

The best part came afterwards, when people would not stop coming to my desk, the lingering happiness and giddiness too much for them to stay at their own damn seats.

What are we doing tomorrow?
Can I see the pictures?
That was so fun!
We are glad you arranged that for us!
We have never done anything like that before!
We are glad you’re here!

I am repeating that last one to myself right now: “We are glad you’re here.”

One of them telling me that put a special little skip to my heart beat. At the risk of sounding like a 200 pound sack of cotton balls and gum drops, I have to say that hearing “We are glad you’re here” made me feel a deep sense of appreciation for my efforts and my overall existence.

I almost said, “I’m glad I’m here, too” but I don’t want to send the wrong message in case I dislike them again tomorrow or next week.

Now, at the end of the day, I am looking back through the photos, and feeling like my efforts were not in vain. I am reminded of how quickly I can become discouraged when working with other people. I am reminded of how not everyone is like me, not everyone is just counting down the days until Christmas starting every January 1st.

But I am also reminded that a little bit of effort can go a long way to spread cheer. A little bit of effort, a little bit of spirit, a little bit of fearlessness to be the one to say “Hey, let’s do this shit!” is all we need to make people happy and have a good time together.

And on that note, I wish you, your miserable co-workers, your greedy family, and your annoying neighbors a very, very Merry Christmas.

I hope Santa has holiday sausages for you all in his big, red, sack.

Holidays 2014 029 Holidays 2014 038 Holidays 2014 040

Photo 1: Look at all these gifts! Those turkeys actually participated.

Photo 2: Me, before opening my gift to reveal…

Photo 3: A vase with gold stars!

Office Holiday Cheer

WARNING: Colorful language is used in the following post.
I work with some of the most miserable, negative people I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with—EVER. But, I am sometimes hopelessly optimistic, even when fighting back strong disdain for the people around me. I often time think, “My cheerful and positive outlook about the flesh sacks of humanity will be contagious! It will work, right? RIGHT?”

WRONG.

In an honest effort to inject my un-jolly, argumentative, negative co-workers with some holiday cheer, I planned a mostly-free (because they’re terribly cheap in addition to being terrible in general) week of team-building activities. Today, the first day, is Ugly Sweater Day. Out of 13 people, only myself and one other girl decided to participate. As of right now, with only half of the morning having passed, I have heard the following excuses:
“I plain ole forgot”—from the person who claimed to have an “out of this world” ugly Christmas sweater
“I didn’t have the money”—from the person who often talks about how rich both she and her entire family is
“I did not buy a sweater for this occasion” –from the person who enthusiastically bestowed the title “Holiday Cheer Chairperson” on me when I thought of the idea of having the five days of holiday cheer
“I’m a worthless piece of shit”—the response I think the other people would say about themselves, if they were truly honest with themselves.
I am a little annoyed by their lack of participation, as you can probably gleam from what I have written so far. However, this is still a positive experience (just barely) because it is a time to reflect on some facts of life that I have learned many times along the way.
1. Relish in your own happiness.
2. Make your own happiness.
3. Don’t let other people rain (or take piss showers) on your jolly parade.
In the spirit of all three of those, I proudly wore my ugly holiday sweater, the entire day, even venturing downstairs into the huge cafeteria to showcase my holiday cheer in all its ugly glory. See below–me in my ugly holiday sweater glory, making duck face (I know I’m too old to make duckface, but YOLO).

DSC01965

 

 

An Uncomfortable Waiting

Preface: I am beginning to get back into writing, and for practice, I’ve decided to write about some of the mundane things of my everyday life. Here is the first entry. Enjoy and leave comments below. I look forward to hearing from you.

An Uncomfortable Waiting

I picked up my unopened notebook, hugged it to my chest, and politely said, “You’re welcome!” to my co-worker. I happily left her office, having just had the chance to talk about learning, teaching, and mild psychological manipulation, for little over an hour.

I popped my head into my boss’s office, right next door.
“Are you ready?” I inquired.
He nodded his head.

I sat my still unopened notebook, phone, and lipstick stained water cup on his round table. Noticing my water cup was dry, I stood back up and said, “Please give me a moment.” Still high on my thrilling education-related conversation, I walked to the water cooler, almost, emphasis on almost, wishing there would be someone there to say something mundane to me.

I filled my water cup without such interruption and returned to my boss’s office.

Upon my re-entrance, he didn’t acknowledge me with a corny joke. I knew something was amiss. “YOU KNOW,” I said very loudly for some unknown reason, “I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT THING WHEN WE ARE D…”

He spun his chair around and revealed he was holding the telephone receiver in his other hand, which I did not see.
“Yeah, we need more dog biscuit in this thing. Less pissed on newspaper and more dog biscuit. Much, much more dog biscuit,” he matter of factly told the unfortunate person listening to him on the other end.

I furrowed my brow. I thought of myself, and all the witty things that I have said over the course of 30 plus years of speaking. I thought of several rather humorous analogies that I have used, none of which have included mentions of dog biscuits or pissed on newspaper.

Should I steal that analogy or is it outrageously stupid? I pondered silently.

I decided to go ponder elsewhere, while my boss spoke loudly and indirectly about dogs. As I stood up to leave, he motioned for me to sit back down.

“She’s looking at me funny!” he announced, and continued to talk to whoever was on the other line.

I sighed and pulled out my phone to pass the time. Suddenly, I heard my stomach growl. I casually looked over at my loud-talking boss, wondering if he heard me. Nothing.

I leaned to one side, hoping the noise would subside.

GRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWLLLLL.

No such luck. At least my boss was talking so obnoxiously loud that he still didn’t hear my predicament. I began to glare at the side of his head, in an effort to concentrate so hard on something other than my emerging need to release.

GRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWLLLL

Deep breaths! Deep breaths! I thought.

First release.

“Yeah, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to go actually do some work,” he told the person on the phone. “If I don’t get one of these done each day, then, well, they’ll never get done.”

Second release.

“Yeah, I will follow up with you by the end of the week, but don’t hold me to anything.”

Third release. Fourth release.

Miraculous silence. Will our other senses be spared? My heart is racing, but my nose has escaped unscathed. Has his nose had the same fortune?

He hangs up the phone. “So, what did you think about that dog biscuit analogy? I saw you looking at me funny.”

“Ha,” I laugh cordially, searching his big gray eyes for any clues that he knows what I’ve been doing in his chair. “Well, I haven’t decided if it’s insanely clever or insanely outrageous.”

He smiles.

farting meme